Saturday, October 23, 2010

How to apologize to your boss after your angry manic outbursts


"Jim" called me. A family man who is putting his oldest son thru college, Jim hadn't realized he had a 'breakthrough' episode of hypomania. But his boss did. Jim is a valued 5-year employee at a large appliance store where he is one of the top sales people. The boss noticed Jim was exhibiting out-of-character behavior that was a huge turn-off to everyone who interacted with him.

Jim asked for a couple of days off during which time he saw his psychiatrist who upped his Risperdal (antipsychotic med). He began to slow down and was able to concentrate a bit better.

The boss wanted to see Jim before he returned to work to make sure his behavior was back to normal. Jim had never disclosed to his employer that he had bipolar disorder.

This is smart. Unless you have a compelling reason to do so, never tell an employer - or fellow employee - you have a mental illness. This includes bipolar and depression. Stigma is alive and kicking.

I told Jim he and I would brainstorm and come up with a strategy to approach his boss. I ascertained the boss did not know about his BP and that although Jim would profusely apologize for his behavior, he should not use the words BP, as this is a 'trigger word,' a frightening word to the general public.

I also ascertained that Jim had an excellent relationship with his boss and the entire management team at the store.

Jim wrote down the words we came up with:

I've had 'highs' and 'lows' since I was 19 years old and have been under the care of a physician for my condition. (Note we did not say psychiatrist.) I've been on an even keel for as long as I'm on my medication but occasionally I get 'flare-ups' like the one I just had. These flare-ups affect my personality and I get unusually energetic and bossy and angry.

This is not the real me. It's caused by a quirk in my illness that causes me to behave like this. Believe me, I dislike it as much as you do.

I can't tell you how sorry I am for this sort of behavior. I will try my best for it never to happen again. But if it does, I'll go right back to my doctor for a medication adjustment.

I love working here. I love my job and all the people I work with. As you know, I have a wife and two sons and would never do anything to jeopardize my wonderful life or wonderful job. I do hope you understand.

I told Jim to keep his answers as brief as possible and not to go into details.

Joe drove off to work. I asked him to call me with the results.

He saved his job. His boss was very impressed with what he said - two other bosses were present for the interview - and they were all tremendously sympathetic. One of them said he knew some other people with the condition, which he never named. He also said that his boss got tears in his eyes while Jim was telling his story.

You're a good man, Jim Brown, I said.

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