Monday, March 31, 2014

RZD: Consultant At Large

Nothing feels better than having a productive day!

Early appointment at Quest in Jenkintown, at the request of Dr Rachmel Cherner, my new diabetes doctor.

Naya Wesley was my phlebotomist.  She has no idea I wrote a poem about her at my last visit in February.

If you feel funny reading about urine, please read no further.

Dr Cherner requested a urine sample. So, after Naya drew my blood - 6 vials - I told her I would walk down the street to the Dunkin Donuts to drink some Decaf.

The Dunkin Donuts had moved!

Instead, I went to IHOP

where I got a cup of Decaf.

When I removed the lid at Quest. I could smell how terrible it was.

I sipped away on the black coffee, while filling out paperwork to get my results mailed to me, and overhearing a father and daughter talking in the Waiting Room.

Here's what your consultant-at-large suggested, all names changed:

I wrote down all my suggestions on a piece of paper, along with my phone number.

First of all, Elena couldn't pee either.

Drink a cup of coffee, I said.

She said, "I didn't know you were allowed to do that!"

I told her and her dad to drive down the street, while they're in the neighborhood, so they don't have to go back home to Glenside.

I suggested Elena get a free consult with Mary Ann Moylen at the Giant to get her on a healthy diet and lose weight.

She is what doctors call "obese" with upper arms the size of honeydew melons.

She walks with a cane, borrowed from her elderly father, who speaks with an accent and hails from a small town in Hungary, as did my great maternal grandmother, Zali. They are not Jewish.

She has terrible back pain.

I suggested she visit Willow Grove Physical Therapy, as I did today, to get her back in shape.

This is Margaret Fitzpatrick, who owns the practice. I saw Lynn Harding, who was excellent. I was there about an hour. Lynn said I was very flexible and prescribed about five exercises, which I will do later tonite.

Elena and her father Lou complained about their family doctor. "We don't have enough money to switch doctors."

Ridiculous, I said, and recommended my own family doctor.

Will they follow-up?

Doubtful. But, if they were in my support group, peer pressure would lend a powerful hand.

Gotta hurry and finish this as Scott is expecting me. Like Scott, my new physical therapist has exercise equipment in her basement.

Here's the charming pharmacist at my Giant. Donna, in the background, took my photo.

I brought a copy of the Compass where Ed Nolan, of the produce department, appeared in our What Are They Reading? section.

Ed Nolan of the Willow Grove Giant Supermarket looking over the Compass.

I'm expecting company for lunch on Friday so wanted to stock up. I wanna teach this woman how to eat healthy and delicious food.

Martha prefers cashews so I bought them.

Okay, Scottie, Wait for me!

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