Parts of this are published in my Upper Moreland Patch.com blog.
"There it is on the left,” said my boyfriend Scott, pointing at the Lobster
House in Cape May. I looked up from my book – “Swimming to Antarctica” by
cold-water swim champ Lynne Cox.
After a scrumptious dinner we walked around the perimeter.
This is where the ice comes from to keep the fish on ice.
I liked this fisherman's gear, similar to when I wrote the book The Old Woman and the Sea.
I was
excited for our dinner, but at the same time was nursing a terrible problem.
If you’re a
woman, chances are that some day you’ll have a "UTI," a urinary tract infection.
These annoyances are quickly fixed by antibiotics.
If you’re
me, however, the situation is much more complicated.
In 2011, I
had a kidney transplant, due to taking the drug lithium for nearly 17 years, to
manage my bipolar disorder.
My daughter Sarah gave me one of her kidneys, which
allowed me a second chance in life.
What we
didn’t plan on was that the life of my kidney would be jeopardized by frequent
urinary tract infections.
The
symptoms are unmistakable: fever and chills, exhaustion and the indescribably
horrible feeling that you have to pee every 5 minutes.
Once these
symptoms begin, they don’t let up until I’m on the eighth floor of The Tower
Building, Einstein Medical Center on Broad Street, lying in a hospital bed,
designed by a master torturer.
Transplant patients get their own room since we have lowered immune systems due to our immunosuppressant drugs.
As nurse
Katy rolled me onto the Transplant and Oncology Unit from the ER, the nurses
greeted me as if we were old friends: Funso from Nigeria; Crystal, whose
daughter will enter kindergarten this fall; Andrea, Mary and Bob.
I also met
a patient named “Jack,” who was having trouble with his transplanted liver.
“Oh my
goodness!” I said when I learned he’d been on the unit for eight whole months.
I often saw
him on his laptop when I passed his room on my endless loops around the unit,
pushing my intravenous drip bag, treading carefully in my little blue booties.
HER LAPTOP BREAKS
Like Jack,
I brought my laptop for what I thought would be meaningful hours reading the
online Times - to bomb or not bomb Syria (today, the Times is chiding Obama on his indecision; he's turning the decision over the Congress, yeah, let them take the blame for our third war) and dig this headline "Mary Cheney chides her sister for same-sex marriage."
When I clicked on the laptop on the bed table at the hospital, the screen turned white as snow. Something had broken.
Hopefully Medicare will pick up the $310 tab from Classic Computer.
What made
my four-day stay halfway tolerable was the staff. Whether it was the nurses,
the food service people, cleaners, doctors in training, each was a gem of
kindness and compassion.
Here's Vanity, fair, who brought in the food. I loved her blond hair beneath the hair net.
“Anything I
can do for you before I leave?” each one would ask.
Doctors
would arrive early in the morning, around 6 am.
Stalin Campos, MD, and doc-in-training David Estrada. Both are from El Salvador.
The wildly
popular transplant surgeon Stalin Campos, MD, originally from El Salvador,
knocked on the door with his students in tow – I call them “ducklings” –
hugged me and said, “Ruth I really really like you, but I don’t want to see you this
much.”
This was my
fourth visit.
The genesis
of the UTI is that the enemy bacteria takes up residence in the bladder.
“The
bacteria travels up from the skin and up through the urethra. It can go into
the bladder or the kidney itself,” said Sarah A Perloff, DO, FACP, program
director for the Infectious Diseases Fellowship and associate program director
of the Internal Residential Program.
Like
Campos, she is always followed by her own ducklings, mostly female.
Dr. Perloff
and I go way back to my first urinary tract infection.
I was
relieved to see her. She and my transplant team would put me on the right
antibiotics to chase out the evil invaders that were making my life miserable.
She told me
they had a series of antibacterial IV’s (intravenous drips) for me since they
wouldn’t know the name of my particular bacterial infection for several days.
Meantime,
they would infuse me with a few medicines that should help. Welcome Invanz, Citrobacter and all. Do your dastardly work!
In fact,
within one day, my symptoms ceased and I was ready to do the impossible – go
home.
“You know
what I like about you?” I said to Dr. Perloff, whose hobbies include
bike-riding, gardening and knitting. “You spend time with me. You listen to me
and answer all my questions in an unhurried manner.”
“I make a
point of it,” she said smiling. “I know people like it.”
After she
left, there was another knock on the door.
It was two
men in white lab coats – of course! – and I couldn’t fathom who they might be.
Pharmacist John Knorr is on the right. He's training Doil Kim, from the University of the Sciences. Don't you love Kim's rocker hair?
John
introduced himself: John Knorr, PharmD,
BCPS, Transplant Clinical Pharmacist. Student Clerkship Coordinator.
Quite a
nice-sounding title, don’t you think?
He told me
he was the pharmacist for the transplant unit. At his side was his student. He
took a list of my medications and then I brought up a question that would
determine the rest of my life.
HOPES OF DIABETES-FREE LIFE DASHED FOR GOOD, HAMMETT!
After my
kidney transplant, I acquired insulin-dependent diabetes from the antirejection
meds, which were now Prograf and prednisone. I was on a campaign to get off the
prednisone, in the hope that the diabetes would go away.
“Not a good
idea,” said John. “Your Prograf also heightens your sugar level.”
Though I
hated hearing it, at least I knew once and for all: stay on your meds and
accept the gift of life with all its Faustian complications.
I confess
I’m a terrible patient. Boredom is my enemy. And that dreadful bed I lay in
while the medicine coursed through my
body was tying me up in knots. Every time I got in bed I went into despair.
“Look!”
said Maxine, one of the women who changed the sheets. “Your bed has a sinkhole
from where you lie down.”Also known as "The Rack."
Ah,
validation. I’m a psychotherapist so I
know how important it is to hear one’s subjective feelings upheld by a third party.
After the
doctors would leave – the highlight of the day – I’d wonder how will I get
through the day.
After all,
I now felt fine, but the invisible enemy within had not yet been conquered.
Visits by
Scott helped immensely. Since we live next door to each other he gave me
reports on our garden: zucchini aplenty and tomatoes swaying on the vine. He
brought me two crunchy fresh salads to snack on.
I read the Phila Tribune, a black newspaper, that I really enjoyed. It featured a fascinating article about the USSR, under Josef Stalin, invited black Americans to live there in the so-called classless egalitarian society.
The blacks had no idea of the massive genocide or killing of political prisoners going on the the country. Read more.
Thanks, Ruthie, I certainly will.
SHE LOSES HER CONTACT LENS
The
mini-tragedy of the broken laptop was rivaled by another one. Blind as a bat, I
wear contact lenses. I lost one of them.
In a
gallant effort to find the blue-tinted lens, I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the entire floor with wet paper
towels. Not easy when you're 67 yrs old.
“It’s got
to be here somewhere,” I told myself but never did find the damn thing.
Friday, the
day I got there, they wheeled me in for an ultrasound to my kidney to show if
the blood vessels were working properly. Which technician would I get? Gensi,
the Albanian? Jeff the bearded one? Or Wendy?
The test
showed my kidney was in fine fettle. My daughter Sarah would be proud of me.
She and I both know I exercise and eat right to preserve her precious gift.
Diabetes kills kidneys. I lost mine once and don't plan to again.
I told
myself to stop complaining and commanded myself to finish the latest New Yorker
before the next one arrived at my door. I’ve never finished a single issue.
On Monday
morning, the transplant team said I could go home. Nurse Bob gave me the news
before he stuck me in the belly with my insulin before lunch.
They never give you enough insulin in the hospital, fearing, I spose, you'll go low. I had my own stash inside my backpack and made up the difference.
When you're told you can go home, prepare for a humongous wait, perhaps 4 hours. Massive amounts of paperwork are filled in. I reverted to my usual M.O. and marched around the floor again in my blue booties.
I learned
from Mark, one of the cleaners, that when a patient leaves, the furniture in
the room is moved to the side and the whole room is scrubbed clean. I’d witnessed
it a couple of times and wished I could help. I wanted to do something to feel useful.
Last time I was there I put myself in charge of the plants along the window sill. I must've done such an impressive job, they were all gone.
Could it be
that when I left, my missing contact lens would be swept away into the sudsy
water?
Dr. Radi
Zaki, head of the transplant unit, came up with a plan which we hope will
permanently oust the infections.
I’ll take a
low dose of Bactrim every day. I asked my Giant pharmacist Erich Dietz what he thought of this plan. Fine, he said. The main side effect of Bactrim is kidneystones.
Well, here I am, Saturday evening, sipping on a cup of Red Raspberry Tea with a jigger of plain cranberry juice inside, Dr Sarah Perloff's idea.
COFFEESHOP
We had a short stack..... Marf, Linda, Carly and me.
Scott stopped in to show me his new glasses, which he'll wear full-time, instead of reading glasses.
Scott and the Crepe Myrtle Tree. The flowers absorbed so much water, the boughs bent down. Scott staked em up.
COFFEESHOP GROUP
Like all of us, Carly has intense feelings about her poetry and short stories. The four of us there - Marf, Linda, Carly and I - are rabid in our desire to do outstanding work.
So, she was shocked when I said I didn't like the ending of her short story NAILS.
You can't just end it there, I said. There's no resolution.
Martha agreed.
Carly's face registered shock and near-despair.
Not to worry, we reassured her.
We worked on the story nearly 45 minutes, coming up with a resolution - and the exhortation, For godssakes, don't put the moral at the end - lem em figger it out!
It should be quite good when next she brings it in.
Marf brought in two excellent poems she dashed off in milliseconds, perfectly formed from her pen.
Linda revised Chapter Four of her novel - AGAIN! - and brought in a new poem, asking, "Have I lost my magic?"
Marf reassured her that once you've got the magic, it never goes away.
I brought in a 7-page short story, whose characters live off Roosevelt Boulevard in Philly and are named
Sue Ann, Gramps, Mama, among others.
Since I only met them last nite, I am still getting to know them as I infuse them with life and personality. I remember how the newly deceased Elmore Leonard wrote about the importance of character names.
When Scott and I were eating our weekly pizza an hour ago and watching To Kill a Thief with Robert Wagner, he finished the dishes, came and sat catty-corner on Gramma Yetta's plastic-coveed love seat and said, "I really like your short story. I think it's one of your best."
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Grace is Three - Hike on the Wild Side - Poem for Grace
We saw dozens of turkeys this morning. (Photo from the Internet). We watched their walk, stretching out their heads and necks apparently to propel them forward. Behind them were the half-grown poults, keeping up with mom and dad.
We tried to keep out of their way and meandered into the garden of bright-colored flowers and several hummingbird feeders.
When we returned, the turkeys were sitting atop a fence!
Then we spotted director David Robertson emerging from his side door and sprinkling what appeared to be coffee grounds to the turkeys.
Gee, I wonder what it would be like inviting a turkey indoors.
Scott and I walked about 25 minutes. He's still healing from what we believe is tendonitis deep in his left leg.
Then, unhurried me - per my wildly popular poem "The Unhurried" - drove to the Demings to deliver my food contribution to Grace's third birthday party. "Mom-mom" was scooping ice cream into cupcake tins.
How clever!
Scott's on vacation for a week. Cape May is awaiting. Today we went to Whole Foods as he had a hankering for liverwurst.
This online photo looks remarkably like our liverwurst sandwiches. We each had 1.5 sandwiches, which is why I just got off the stationery bike.
We bought a fresh loaf of rye bread with seeds - yum! - and packed our sandwiches with kale, tomatoes, onions, mayo and moutarde.
Earlier today I worked on the Letter of Intent - LOI - for yet another grant, this time from the Pew Charitable Trusts. From their website, they say they used to be a very conservative entity, until the mid-1980s when they became RADICAL!!! That change never happens unless you vastly depart from the old conservative ways.
A couple months ago a poem I wrote about Grace was published by the River Poets Journal.
But, first, the requisite pictures:
The Playroom at the end of the party
Oh, Max, you are so cute I printed out this photo and looked at it while writing my LOI
You'll note the "apple-green" seat of Max's in the background. I was reading to Grace in the above playroom. She wanted to listen to a book about a rabbit which teaches a variety of things. One was the color "apple-green."
Grace, I said, what is apple-green right here in the playroom.
She walked around the room - stuffed to the gills with toys - and pointed out the apple-green ones.
Here's the birthday girl who fancies herself a doctor.
We tried to keep out of their way and meandered into the garden of bright-colored flowers and several hummingbird feeders.
When we returned, the turkeys were sitting atop a fence!
Then we spotted director David Robertson emerging from his side door and sprinkling what appeared to be coffee grounds to the turkeys.
Gee, I wonder what it would be like inviting a turkey indoors.
Scott and I walked about 25 minutes. He's still healing from what we believe is tendonitis deep in his left leg.
Then, unhurried me - per my wildly popular poem "The Unhurried" - drove to the Demings to deliver my food contribution to Grace's third birthday party. "Mom-mom" was scooping ice cream into cupcake tins.
How clever!
Scott's on vacation for a week. Cape May is awaiting. Today we went to Whole Foods as he had a hankering for liverwurst.
This online photo looks remarkably like our liverwurst sandwiches. We each had 1.5 sandwiches, which is why I just got off the stationery bike.
We bought a fresh loaf of rye bread with seeds - yum! - and packed our sandwiches with kale, tomatoes, onions, mayo and moutarde.
Earlier today I worked on the Letter of Intent - LOI - for yet another grant, this time from the Pew Charitable Trusts. From their website, they say they used to be a very conservative entity, until the mid-1980s when they became RADICAL!!! That change never happens unless you vastly depart from the old conservative ways.
A couple months ago a poem I wrote about Grace was published by the River Poets Journal.
But, first, the requisite pictures:
The Playroom at the end of the party
Oh, Max, you are so cute I printed out this photo and looked at it while writing my LOI
You'll note the "apple-green" seat of Max's in the background. I was reading to Grace in the above playroom. She wanted to listen to a book about a rabbit which teaches a variety of things. One was the color "apple-green."
Grace, I said, what is apple-green right here in the playroom.
She walked around the room - stuffed to the gills with toys - and pointed out the apple-green ones.
Here's the birthday girl who fancies herself a doctor.
SAYING GOODBYE TO GRACE CATHERINE DEMING
A silent ache
when
she leaves
alone
in her carseat
while
Mom-mom
drives her home
she
watches me blow kisses
through
the back window
strapped
in,
prisoner
to her elders
both
grandmothers will leave first
snatched
without mercy
useless
to cling to our lost darlings who
will
forget us like
last
night’s dreams
what’s
to remember about Bubby?
because
I say, Grace this is a daisy, or
how
do you like my new birdbath?
it
is I who want to tag along
after
death
want
to be with her
listen
to her laugh
meet
her friends
guard
her when she swims
teach
her to ride no-
handed
on a bike
put
her on the plane
when
she travels to Rome
I
will be there to see all things
at
least today I believe it,
tomorrow
may be different
as
my parachute falls silently
to
the poppy fields
and
nothing is left but
an
indentation in the soil.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Coffeeshop Writers' Group - My poems: The Unhurried - I Watch for Meteor Showers on the Back Porch
I always enjoy chatting with our writers before we get down to business.
We discussed pens. Each one had their favorite. I tested them all out and still like my
Black Bic best of all.
Beatriz wrote one of her fascinating pollinator essays. She gets 2,000 "hits" on her pollinator blog. Today's essay was about the bumble bee and all its imitators. There is one rapacious fly who grabs tasty insects on the fly.
We also discussed carpenter bees who drill perfectly round holes in wood. My colony appeared about five years ago, below my front window. I had no idea they were there until I heard buzzing within my living room walls.
Only the female has the stinger.
Beatriz told an awful story about hummingbirds being eaten by a preying mantis.
Scott and I each have a hummingbird feeder. The little birds made dozens of appearances today.
The mantis, holding stock-still, suddenly pounces with her serrated arms which pin down the bird so it can't escape. Somehow it gets et, after, ugh, the feathers are pulled off.
Lord have mercy!
Here's Allan sipping his coffee.
This photo is titled: Allan with Folded Hands
Allan read two poems: "The Perfect Poem" and "Legacy."
"Legacy" was about the effect of wars on us - we have war heroes, statues, parades, cemeteries, so "Let us be thankful for war and carnage."
Laffin' Carly was dressed in party finery, as she and hubby will attend a party tonite. She wondered what our group would think about her short story "Nails," which she put in the 'bottom drawer' for a few months.
Carly read an obit about a roofer called "Nails" and fashioned a short story around it. I think she was really surprised when I said, "Carly, this is really really good."
Scenes take place in a brownstone mansion where "Nails" fell off a roof and in the waiting room of Abington hospital. Altho it's a complete short story with a fitting conclusion, she may expand it into a novella.
Linda shared a rewrite of Chapter Four of "A Time for Love." Each time it gets better. As Carly said, you got me to like science-fiction, even tho I don't read science-fiction.
Yeah, said Linda, I want it for the general reader.
This general reader is currently reading....
Rings of Saturn by W G Sebald for my library reading group - his odyssey across the UK
The Examined Life by psychoanalyst George Grosz - great stories about very difficult patients
The Charm School by Nelson deMille
and six months of New Yorkers
Last nite I watched "Ferris Buehler's Day Off." And enjoyed it once again. It's a happy, funny movie. The house where Ferris lives is humongous. It's movies with rich people in them that give people the idea we've gotta live in huge houses.
My hornet's nest. See the white-cotton batting? It's actually produced by the hornet itself.
We are not like hornets. Our bodies produce nothing like nesting material or spider web material.
The last silver maple in my back yard. Note tiny occupied birdhouse near tree trunk and bird bath.
I picked up Allan from his home at Moreland Towers. The back is beautiful. You can barely see on the right, the tall, striking pink cleomes. When I was 10, I planted them from seed and they grew next to our jalousied back porch in Shaker Heights.
The part in my poem about the hornets reminded Carly about her then-two-yo son getting a painful hornet bite.
Look, Allan, you've got a corn stalk growing in your back yard.
Why do people insist on putting out the American flag?
Theories, anyone?
I think it all stemmed from 9/11, when the world got worse, and people began hating in earnest.
After the Writer's Group, I drove to Mom's, where I gave her back the book I got for her 91st - Love, Laugh and Eat, by an Australian physician.
Pretty darn awful.
She told me to watch a Dr. Nubb (?) on Channel 12. Arthritis advice.
We discussed pens. Each one had their favorite. I tested them all out and still like my
Black Bic best of all.
Beatriz wrote one of her fascinating pollinator essays. She gets 2,000 "hits" on her pollinator blog. Today's essay was about the bumble bee and all its imitators. There is one rapacious fly who grabs tasty insects on the fly.
We also discussed carpenter bees who drill perfectly round holes in wood. My colony appeared about five years ago, below my front window. I had no idea they were there until I heard buzzing within my living room walls.
Only the female has the stinger.
Beatriz told an awful story about hummingbirds being eaten by a preying mantis.
Scott and I each have a hummingbird feeder. The little birds made dozens of appearances today.
The mantis, holding stock-still, suddenly pounces with her serrated arms which pin down the bird so it can't escape. Somehow it gets et, after, ugh, the feathers are pulled off.
Lord have mercy!
Here's Allan sipping his coffee.
This photo is titled: Allan with Folded Hands
Allan read two poems: "The Perfect Poem" and "Legacy."
"Legacy" was about the effect of wars on us - we have war heroes, statues, parades, cemeteries, so "Let us be thankful for war and carnage."
Laffin' Carly was dressed in party finery, as she and hubby will attend a party tonite. She wondered what our group would think about her short story "Nails," which she put in the 'bottom drawer' for a few months.
Carly read an obit about a roofer called "Nails" and fashioned a short story around it. I think she was really surprised when I said, "Carly, this is really really good."
Scenes take place in a brownstone mansion where "Nails" fell off a roof and in the waiting room of Abington hospital. Altho it's a complete short story with a fitting conclusion, she may expand it into a novella.
Linda shared a rewrite of Chapter Four of "A Time for Love." Each time it gets better. As Carly said, you got me to like science-fiction, even tho I don't read science-fiction.
Yeah, said Linda, I want it for the general reader.
This general reader is currently reading....
Rings of Saturn by W G Sebald for my library reading group - his odyssey across the UK
The Examined Life by psychoanalyst George Grosz - great stories about very difficult patients
The Charm School by Nelson deMille
and six months of New Yorkers
Last nite I watched "Ferris Buehler's Day Off." And enjoyed it once again. It's a happy, funny movie. The house where Ferris lives is humongous. It's movies with rich people in them that give people the idea we've gotta live in huge houses.
I WATCH FOR METEOR
SHOWERS ON THE BACK PORCH
The
Perseids I have missed
there
was no cloud cover
I
simply forgot and was in bed
with
a thriller
locked
in a POW camp in a forest
in
Russia
Every
day in August
we’re
given a second chance
I
stand on my back porch
in
the darkness
the
hornets are gestating in their nest
in
the corner
I
am their caretaker
unafraid
as
their fetuses form
beneath
a cotton-soft quilt
Gazing
upward I see something
moving
across the sky
it
flashes
on
and off
on
and off
tiny
as a poppy seed
A
plane or a spy satellite
is
not my second chance in August
Defeated,
I sit on the stair
and
glance at the whiteness
of
my arms
my
legs
as
the moon rises over the house next door
my
silver maple
almost
a goner from the hurricane
has
been resurrected
she
smiles at me with a
shake
of her leaves, black in the night,
but
heard.
The
cicadas are loud as the
Philadelphia Orchestra
playing
the Ninth
I
listen in darkness
in
my nightgown
Alone
all
alone
a
small figure
created
for what purpose
six
billion years ago?
My hornet's nest. See the white-cotton batting? It's actually produced by the hornet itself.
We are not like hornets. Our bodies produce nothing like nesting material or spider web material.
The last silver maple in my back yard. Note tiny occupied birdhouse near tree trunk and bird bath.
THE UNHURRIED
The
universe expands
with
the pace of a marathon runner
we
too feel the pull of Hurry
“faster
faster” demands our planet
our
government
our
businesses
our
fashion designers
creating
next year’s fashion trends
oh,
the blousy sleeves,
the
loose-fitting grey trousers
that
swoosh when you walk
This
is the world I was born into.
The
world of hurry.
Now
I revolt.
Do
the poppies hurry?
The
petunias or chrysanthemum?
The flowers, flowing from the
The flowers, flowing from the
gift
of the sun,
take
their time.
Does
the baby in the womb hurry?
The
soft grass upon which I lay
to
watch for meteor showers in August?
“Change
your life!” cried the poet
I
have!
I
promise!
I’m
as obedient
as
the Chinese woman with bound feet
When
I water the purple verbena
I
listen as she gulps in her sustenance
When
I drink my Earl Grey
the
sweet taste warms the globe of my mouth
Everything
we do must be meaningful
Everything
we do must count
If
I may dare to instruct you:
Read
good poetry
and
Remember
the tomb.I picked up Allan from his home at Moreland Towers. The back is beautiful. You can barely see on the right, the tall, striking pink cleomes. When I was 10, I planted them from seed and they grew next to our jalousied back porch in Shaker Heights.
The part in my poem about the hornets reminded Carly about her then-two-yo son getting a painful hornet bite.
Look, Allan, you've got a corn stalk growing in your back yard.
Why do people insist on putting out the American flag?
Theories, anyone?
I think it all stemmed from 9/11, when the world got worse, and people began hating in earnest.
After the Writer's Group, I drove to Mom's, where I gave her back the book I got for her 91st - Love, Laugh and Eat, by an Australian physician.
Pretty darn awful.
She told me to watch a Dr. Nubb (?) on Channel 12. Arthritis advice.
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