One more God Rant & Then I'll Shut up

Dear Lord,

Please forgive me for not believing in You. I humbly swear it is not b/c religions distort your Holy Presence to serve their best interests which are usually in the name of hatred and not of love. I do know, Dear God, this is not your fault.

You or your imagined presence guided me thru my long travails with manic-depression before I was set free. For this I am deeply grateful. I erroneously - and I must say GRANDIOSELY - felt this was due to Your Intervention, yes, Divine Intervention. How can I have been so grandiose, fancying myself Your Pet, Your Beloved, Your Favored Child. Ahh! Christ! How I hate my naivete.

This morning when I was on the phone with my wonderful friend Freda (I am so thankful for her presence in my life) I told her I had given up the great burden of believing in God, that is, in You, Dear Lord. I told her my relief is palpable, as if a clogged chamber of my brain has been lightened.

And, lo, no sooner were the words out of my mouth than a flock of blackbirds settled themselves on my front lawn.

There they were, a flock of blackbirds, yes, I did think of the Wallace Stevens poem 13 blackbirds, how could I not, as each one settled himself down in the tall green grass and began pecking away at the earth.

I heard myself laugh aloud as they all floated down, coming in as if right on cue as I spoke to my beloved friend Freda.

And then, with nary a moment to spare, they looked up and sailed as one to the nearby telephone wire where they paused a moment on their endless flight to look over to where they had just been.

I watched them and wondered what they were thinking.

Only God knows.

Love,
Your Humble Ruthie