Black Friday's come and gone

Sorry, most acquisitive society on earth, I've come up short once again. I only spent $20 on Black Friday: for my ultrasound.

How much did you spend?

Furthermore, o greediest and fattest society on earth, when I read the Times' Best Books of the Year, I promptly reserved them at my local library.

I hate spending money!

One of the books I reserved - Keith Richards' book "Life" - has 93 other requests before me.

I'm at Scott's now, lying belly down on his bed, hearing an occasional violent whoosh of the wind. It's 30 degrees out. My new heating pad is frying my ass and feels real good.

From the basement comes amazing sounds: groans, like someone is in pain, or is being tortured.

Were we to go down, here's what we would see.

Scott, wearing a huge black belt, about six inches thick, is lying on his bench press doing leg lifts. Then he moves over and lifts dumbbells. He is very strong and has huge muscles. He's also a very kind person.

We talk about many things. What, I wonder, made him 'vent' about Obama today? We were both so excited when he won - we believed he was the vehicle for change - now we see that the Republicans should be ecstatic with his policies - he's merely an extension of the Bush years. Remember how the world hated us during the dark ages of Bush? For sure, they hate us again.

And now our thoughts turn to SEPTA, the transportation system here in Philly. "Regional rail" has brand-new trains from from South Korea. "They're junk," says Scott. "That's what happens when the politicians get involved and you've gotta buy from the lowest bidder."

Each train is sposed to work for 40 years. The new trains have all arrived - 140 of them - and they're so poorly made they can't get any of them up and running yet!

Good ole America, the has-been nation.

What can I do to cheer myself up?

Maybe Willie Nelson will pass me a toke. He just got busted on his tour bus in Texas. The last time I smoked was two years ago when I was 31.