Dialogue with Arnie from The Northeast (Phila)

Arnie's been coming to the support group on and off for a no. of years. One of the things that impresses me most about him is his loyalty to his friends, many of whom have bipolar or related illnesses. They all have a great time and lots of laffs together. He's a retired small business owner having installed window treatments which he carried in his van. He survived bladder cancer, bipolar disorder and is still surviving giving up cigarettes 53 months ago (but who's counting?).

When he and I were standing in the dark parking lot after the meeting, he expressed concern about a no. of people he'd just met in the group. His kindness moved me. In our small group we had 3 people w/schizaffective disorder, a tougher illness to deal with than bipolar. Two do extremely well, the other one needs guidance in social skills. She'll join my Connexions Group when I get the funding to run it.

Arnie writes: I didn’t mention this, but my primary care physician is treating me…per my request. You may or may not know that I have many doubts about Psychiatrists and Psychotherapists, based on past experiences. Hopefully there are good ones out there but I have yet to find one. Don’t get me wrong…I had Psychiatrists that I genuinely liked; they just didn’t or couldn’t help me — for the long run.

The social worker at Fox Chase Cancer Center, recommended someone, but I just couldn’t bring myself to call her. Don’t know if she’s good or not, and if she’s on the list…her name is Rona Cohen in Feasterville. I have her info if you want it.

I have a theory about going to Psychiatrists and Psychotherapists. When seeing a Psychiatrist, but especially a Psychotherapist (as more time is spent with them) one’s behavior in their presence is generally positive and uplifting. There’s a feeling of a certain amount of happiness (this is based on my experiences, of course) as you are anticipating…expecting that you’re going to be helped, and there is at least some relief from the pain. However, after leaving and after a certain amount of time —but not much - sooner or later the reality of not having that professional support at hand, being alone again to deal with your pain, etc. allows for going back to what you were feeling before going. I hope this makes sense to you. I guess that what I’m saying is, as an out patient in a professional environment you’re feeling good…if only the Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist could observe their patients in thir own environment and surroundings. There is a difference. I know that this isn’t possible...or is it?

Let me know what you think.

PS: I am having such a strong craving for a cigarette. It’s at the second time this week.

RZ: yes i remember now your low opinion of psychiatrists. you're def'ly doing the right thing by seeing a physician and not a shrink. i believe you were treatment-resistant for a long time but are no longer. uncanny but our bodies do change.

your last point is well-taken about the therapist needing to see you outside the healing setting. we're definitely protected and loved when we're in there. then we face the cold cruel world. if we're doing well when we went in, we'll do well when we leave. the patient must figure out how to take these good feelings and be with them all day long. we must create our own field of happiness.

i think it's definitely harder for a man to be happy all by himself. you've been married 3 times, i believe, and know the comforts of having a partner. i think you're an attractive man - esp. after you take mary ann's nutrition class and drop the 40 lbs you gained after you stopped smoking - and could EASILY meet a woman.

ARNIE: You mentioned you have a good relationship with your 87-yr-old mom but it wasn't always that way. This made me think of something that I read a long time ago. After reading a certain part of this book, I went up to shower, and while showering and thinking about what I had just read, it caused me to burst in to tears. Upon getting out of the shower I called my mother and invited her out to lunch. Needless to say, I too had issues with my mom. This is the short version of this story.

The name of the book is; “If You Meet The Buddha On The Road, Kill Him.” (have you heard of it?) This book lead me to at least read some of I Ching.

RZ: wow, very powerful reaction, arnie, to thoughts about your mother. i believe the majority of bipolar folks have 'mother issues.'good for you for acting quickly on your good thoughts. you're a do-er! yes i've heard of kill the buddha book but never read it. same w/ i ching. thanks for returning to ND. you have a lot to offer.