From suicide to ice cream: All in a day's work

I'd just gotten off the phone with Tony Salvatore of MCES, the emergency crisis center for Montgomery County, PA, having told him of a call our support group received. "Lance" was a well-spoken man who in the course of a two-minute voicemail asking us to return his call went from telling us he was 'passively suicidal' to concluding with "I can't take it any more." He was experiencing such trauma, he said, that it was impossible to describe it.

One of our phone greeters took the call. Our greeter then called me. I listened to it and immediately called Lance. No answer.

I walked over to the window and imagined the poor guy pacing back and forth deciding what to do with himself.

I asked myself, What would a really smart person do in my place?

I googled his phone no. to see where he lived. It did not show up. So I called the Upper Moreland police department. I explained the situation to Tina the Dispatcher. She explained it to a police officer.

Half hour later they me called back. They had kept phoning Lance until he answered. He was driving in his car and said the crisis had passed.

Yes, until the next time. Lance knows where to find us. Will he reach out again? I just left him another message. He said he would return my call. "I'm not in any imminent danger," he said.

I needed to process my feelings with someone which is why I called Tony. "You did good," he said.

Today after mailing out the third batch of The Compass, I looked at my watch and said, Time for ice cream, Ruthie. I just discovered that the Dunkin Donuts in Hatboro is also a Baskin n Robbins. It's my duty as an American citizen to check out all the ice cream places along my watch.

At the last minute, tho, I decided to be a good girl and not stop for ice cream. Instead I went to the Giant Supermarket to do my shopping.

Many roads led to the supermarket. However, great music was on the radio so I wanted to groove with the music so I chose the most scenic road. I must say I love driving and get a natural high from driving with great music. I'm currently addicted to the following YouTube selection after hearing it on the radio. He's 74 years old and from Canada.

When I get to the Giant, I park very far away at the place where all the business executives in white shirts and ties park. My radio is blasting. I carry a Compass with me to give to Mary Ann Moylan the nutritionist. When I see her she is in the Cooking School talking to people and then I hand it to her.

What class is this, I ask. Diabetes? There seemed to be a row of fat people there.

No, no, it's the frozen desserts class. We're gonna compare different frozen desserts such as ice cream, frozen yogurt, sherbet, and sorbet.

When does it start? I ask.

In 5 minutes, she says.

I'll be back, I say.

Dyou ever feel The Force is with ya, brother?

I took my shopping cart and selected my watermelon, low sodium American cheese, and walnuts from the bin. Walnuts go rancid so I sniffed the bin. There was no bad smell and then just to make sure, I ate one. It was fine. Ten minutes earlier I had returned an entire container of rancid walnuts.

When class began, we tasted about 12 different frozen desserts.

The first four, all made by Breyer, were terrible. Names like Breyer's Double Churn Free or Smooth & Dreamy Light. One taste was all I could stomach. Most people liked them.

Then came the worst one of all - Edy's Peach-flavored frozen yogurt. Sounds great, right? They're served in tiny little plastic cups, similar to the ones that we got when Sabin's polio vaccine was served in a sugar cube. We all lined up for that, a big adventure.

You know how wine tasters make a big deal of all the different flavors that come out in a single sip of wine. Same is true with this peach-flavor yogurt. At first, you're delighted by its creaminess and its perfect sweetness. And then it hits you! This overpoweringly horrible flavor. I'd know that flavor ANYWHERE! And I eat no foods that have this ingredient in it.

Ruth, what do you think of it? asks Mary Ann.

It's awful, I say. It's got a preservative in it I can't stand. She reads the list of ingredients. There it is: Carrageenan. I looked it up the other day on the 'net. Lab mice carry placards protesting it. So do I.

My diet health plan, designed by Mary Ann, has me eating small "feedings" many times a day. I'd prefer not to use the word feeding since it makes me sound like a cow but on the other hand it's different and I like being different. When I knew I'd be waylaid in the cooking class, I quickly got some free food. They almost always have cheese n crackers that are out of this world!

I always look to see if "Hannah" is there. She's the mom of a bipolar man. "How's our boy doing?" I asked her one time.

"Oh, he's in jail again," she said. "This time he's not coming home."

You can save some of the people some of the time but you can't save em all.