Why should I get dressed just b/c it's New Year's Eve?

Sometimes you just wanna go around in your PJs all day long, right gang? When I put in my contax I saw that we'd had a nice dusting of snow, so I stepped out on the front porch for a refreshing mouthful of fresh-fallen snow.

After my breakfast of poached egg on homemade challah, I swept off my car with a broom just in case I needed to make a quick getaway. Then I swept off my sidewalk - easier than a shovel - and then when the mail came I had to run after Mailman Bob to mail two letters and here's what I said to myself, "It's FREEZING! I should've dressed warmer." I was wearing clogs without my pink socks.

Tonight I'll be ringing in the New Year by sleeping thru it. My gas fireplace makes so much noise I won't hear the revelers on my street. You could stage a robbery in my house and I wouldn't wake up. But please don't.

My old car was burgled earlier this year. I know, I know, I never lock it. I had some pretty plates in there my mom bought me from Belgium but the robbers only took a pack of cigs from my glove compartment. They were Newport Menthols and belonged to Michael Board, the man who stole my car when I worked in Bensalem. Sadly, for Michael, he died in my car, after an overdose of heroin. Sorry, Mike.

The Bad Plus will be on NPR Radio tonite. Thanks, Helene, for letting me know. My son/law, Ethan Iverson, is the pianist and wrote a nice note on his blog asking his literally thousands of readers to 'wander over' to Ruth's website and make a donation.

Oh, I mailed out so many Letters of Solicitation. Each was a joy of write. I personalize them and think of really amazing things to say. They are simply irresistible, I think, as I put the stamp on and enclose a SASE.

I've received NO DONATIONS thru my great letters.

I wanted to donate a little something to Jimmy Wales of Wikipedia. I'm on there every five minutes. They reached their goal of $7.5 million today. My sister Ellen donated. Oh my god, is she ever cheap! Yeah, but Ruthie, you didn't even donate. You know why? Cuz I hate typing up my credit card no. in the blanks and the expiry number. Plus the three blind mice little digits on the reverse.

Yum! This hot tea is delicious. I get so nervous when I work on my novel I munch on unsalted pretzels. It's harder to write than I thought. My momentum stopped when I finished up my last online class. I just had nothing left inside me. Now I've started my engine again and trying to make it race. So far we're only going 5 mph but at least we're on the racetrack, SeaBiscuit.

What I Saw at the Movies

We made the 11:40 a.m. show. We stood in line for twenty minutes waiting to buy tickets to Avatar. It cost $23 which included my senior ticket. BTW, thanks to Coach Iris for your lovely Birthday Card.

The Tiny Man in the wheelchair took our tickets, tearing them off with his impossibly tiny arms held against his shirt. Enjoy the movie, he said, as Scott and I walked toward Theater Eleven.

A huge hallway led up up up to the theater. I wanted to run up the slope but needed to behave myself since I was with Scott. We found great seats and had missed all the coming attrax so the movie started immediately.

I looked over at Scott who looked adorable wearing his black Elvis Costello-like 3D glasses. I like to hold hands sometimes in the movies but the movie was so tense I needed to clasp them to my breast.

Yum! As I'm blogging, I'm eating my dinner salad. Green leafy lettuce, onion, red pepper, cuke, carrot, red pepper, celery, with a dressing of olive oil, garlic, and fresh lemon juice. I gave out 8 lemon squeezers for Xmas gifts, on sale at Giant.

I'd done my morning stretches for my back so it wasn't bothering me during the movie. But I was freezing cold. The A/C seemed to be on high. Scott was also cold. When I had to go to the baffroom, I put my glasses on top of my head and walked quickly out, dashing down the long slope at last, finding the men's room, after which I told the ticket-taker to please turn up the heat.

He said he'd make a phone call.

Interesting, I thought. Then I raced happily up the slope to watch the last half of this very long but very good movie, an absolute feast for the eyes. Blink blink.

Director Cameron waited till the end to show the credits. When I got home I called Dr Pam London Barrett to ask her opinion of the movie. She sees e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!

Now, another film director named George Ciampa sent me an email. I WAS THRILLED! Here's his email with my comments in ( )

Hello Ruth, Thank you for your Guest Book comments. (Mon plaisir, George. Never thought you'd write back.) It is appreciated. (passive voice? c'mon George. Try I appreciate it with an exclamation point to show your enthusiasm.) Two of my films are being shown on 90 PBS stations and have exclusivity, sporadically, for two years. Apparently you saw "Memories of France". (mais oui) The other is "The Lesson is Priceless", filmed in Belgium. (ah, the best beers in the world. My son would love em. Since I don't drink no more, I take sips of Dan's beer.)

I hope you will purchase one or both.(George, clearly you don't know me. I'm downsizing. In 20 yrs I'll be dead & I don't want more stuff for my kids to throw away) Funds received will help to get the films distributed in all 2117 high schools in California where I live. I am seeking that funding now from companies or wherever. (Try the Lenfests. They gave tons of money to the theater at the Gettysburg Museum. They're also Jewish, I believe, so would appreciate your focus on the only work camp during WW2 in France.)

I would appreciate your help with directing friends to the website. (ATTENTION FRIENDS: Here's the website.) Thank you very much. Happy New Year

George

Speaking of websites, I'm reading a book by James D Gordon, MD, called Unstuck: Your Guide to the 7-Stage Journey Out of Depression.

Here's what to do, accdg to Gordon, who is listed on QuackWatch:

Exercise
Meditation
Guided imagery
Self-expression thru words, drawings, and movement
Yoga
Nutrition and supplements
Acupuncture and herbal therapies
A variety of spiritual practices

Not bad, Jimmy. What I don't like, however, is a chapter you entitle The Right Way. C'mon, Jimbo, there ain't no one right way.

Dr Jim, by the bye, was a member of a disgraced Indian cult. Read the delightfully hateful appraisal of Gordon on Quackwatch. You'll have to find it yourself. I'm too lazy. It's 7:33 p.m. and I'm only halfway thru today's To-Do List.

Still to-do is 20 minutes on my bike and two hours of novelwriting.

My email to the Pope

I titled my email Christmas Request to Holy Father Pope Benedict XII: (be sure to read His comment at the end)

Today, Holy Father, is Christmas Day here in America and all across the world.

I was born on Christmas Day in Camp Lejeune, North Carolina, where my father, born in 1921, was serving in the Marine Corps to help destroy the Nazis who wished to rule the world. You well know their horror since you were forced to become a member of the Hitler Youth and your own beloved cousin with Down syndrome was forcibly sent to a death camp for extermination.

Six million of my people were also exterminated for the crime of being Jewish. This includes dozens of my family members residing in our homeland of Hungary.

I ask you to please consider the requests of our Jewish leaders when you think about making Pope Pius XII a saint. Our leaders are wise beyond measure and deserve your highest consideration. We believe that Pius, with his enormous influence, did not do enough to save the Jews and other ethnic minorities and people with disabilities.

In the name of peace on earth for all humankind, I am,

Ruth Z. Deming
204 Cowbell Road
Willow Grove, PA 19090
USA
215 659 2142

A Christmas Carol: The Movie

I wonder how many people across America are watching the 1938 version of A Christmas Carol, like I am, this white Christmas morning, my 64th birthday.

When the credits came on, I saw that the producer was Joseph Mankiewicz, a Jew. I did some quick research and saw his parents were German immigrants and indeed when the movie was being made the Nazis were storming across Europe.

And now the aged revered Pope Benedict, who was knocked down by a madwoman yesterday, wishes to make Pope Pius a saint. Pius, you remember, did nothing to stop the Nazis.

Pope Benedict, the former German citizen Joseph Alois Ratzinger, a very unwilling member of the Hitler Youth Group, knows the horror of the Nazis. His own cousin, who had Down syndrome, was marched away to the death camps.

However, as the spiritual leader of the largest Christian denomination on earth: 1 billion people, let's ask the Pope to do more than give lip service to the trauma and horrors wrought in WW2. If he isn't for equal justice for all - including indicting Nazis for the most heinous crimes and genocide of our century, which he barely acknowledges and wishes to anoint Pius a saint - then who will be for justice?

When will civility rule the earth? What if there is no heaven and this is all there is.

The film is remarkable. That California-dwellers created such a convincing ambiance of Dickens' London! Why, I feel like I'm eating the roast goose and flaming pudding at the Cratchits' dinner table. My stomach is growling for I haven't had breakfast yet.

The transformation of Ebeneezer Scrooge is accomplished by spirits. How has YOUR transformation been accomplished?

My friend Nancy Pollack came over a week ago bearing gifts for me. Simple gifts. Celestial Seasoning Tea, honey vanilla chamomile. We drank the tea together while she apprised me of some foods I can eat with my chronic kidney condition.

I called her the next day to thank her for her most helpful delicious visit. That's how I got the idea of giving the Mallsters the teas.

See the amazing chain of events on how we influence one another?

My gratitude list / Poem: Once again Evelyn

- My house

- Looking out the window

- The sun rising over Charley's house, stonehenge-like smack in front of me as I type these words

- Drinking water ("the first thing we do and the last" from one of my poems)

- My ability to influence people to improve their lives (thru the support group I founded after being diagnosed with manic depression)

- My eyes that so keenly see.

- The ability to love so deeply. I think if people have an aura mine would radiate love. We become what we lack. I lacked love for much of my life and little angels who dwelt within me built me a house of love. Thanks!

- My psychotherapy clients - the long parade of them who hopefully still remember me as I remember Darleen and the earrings she gave me which I still wear; and John who still calls me (I sent him an Xmas postcard) - his parole is over in 2010 for vehicular manslaughter; and for my new clients who broaden my mind incredibly esp. exasperating "Evelyn" who I've wrin a new poem about

- Ada and Rich Fleisher

- Return of motivation to work on my novel - thanks Nicole Bokat, who will be my editor/mentor

- Helen and her Mall Talk. I'm gonna try not to be late today since I bought everybody Celestial Seasonings Tea. We've got more than a dozen folks now coming to the Mall.

- All the donations I was able to make this year which include:

...Pennypack Trust - the nature center 5 minutes away from home
...Bread and Roses in Philly for Social Justice. I wrote the director, You write a mean email, Casey, and mailed her a check
...Equal Justice Initiative in Montgomery, Alabama - they lost 20 percent of their funding since they invested with the fallen Jew Bernie Madoff
...Planned Parenthood
...Peter C Alderman Foundation for setting up hospitals in third-world countries
...BioGems to save our wildlife from imminent destruction. Did you know you can adopt a polar bear or a rainforest tree thru their organization?

- All my friends at New Directions

- The amazing ability to have the correct information when I need it. Joan sent ND a donation of fantastic books. I'm bringing the Montel Williams inspirational book to the mall to give to Judy.

- The ability to write a great letter. Had my last appt w/Larry Paster, physical therapist yesterday who always restores my body to health after giving me exercises which I do in bed and on the living room floor. I wrote him a Donation Letter and he said he'd mail in a check.

- My fearlessness. I attended a funeral of a former ND member the day after the snowstorm. I'm terrified of driving in the snow but I faced my fears and drove safely to the church where the funeral was held. Goodbye Ann, goodbye! I feel her presence hovering over me right now.

- SCOTT!

ONCE AGAIN EVELYN

once again Evelyn you have with words alone
deceived me like a skillful lover who plies me
with flowers and adoring looks
and boxes of chocolate covered cherries
a woman my own age who has never had a man
or a title or someone to kiss her goodnight
and whose face I noted this morning still bursts with
scabs of unknown origin

your latest caper, as I shall call it,
left me broken and despondent
though I get paid to see you
a handsome amount for doing nothing but
accompanying you to lunch or
watching Hogan's Heroes with you in your
raggedy chair apartment littered with empty
pizza boxes that smell

you’ve spent half your life enraged
and tied up in asylums’ cruel arms
one too many misdemeanors no one
can figure out and
you ask me with your cockeyed stare
why do I do these things, Ruth

and were surprised this morning that
after you’d snookered me and I walked you home
I refused to come in and play the end
of today’s game as you planned

small victories are what I cherish with a woman like you
whose mother drank while you floated inside
forming an oh-so-odd constellation of a human
oh, the millennia of unending combinations that
formed to create solely you
yes, people look when you pass them by
not because you talk to yourself
or wear the same green jacket and shorts in
cruel december
but simply something out of tune
an always dissonant chord
a jazz tune sailing into the winter sky
with no accompaniment

you drive all of us away
every last one of us
needing a hiatus from your
machinations
though when I returned home
still smarting from my fall
I realized I’d have to see you soon again
to bring you the box of Triscuits I’d forgotten
for your big I-love-you surprise.

Why I picked up my novel again

I took a six-month break from working on my half-finished novel,loosely based on the death of my former boyfriend, Simon, and myself, his then-girlfriend who in the novel he asked to assist him to die with dignity from cancer.

Few people in real life have the courage to do this. They prefer to suffer. And oh how he suffered in real life. No excuse. I have given my children permission to euthanize me. Dr. Weiss, who is not my doctor, has said death and its prelude is usually painful. I choose not to suffer.

I'd been writing numerous letters asking for end-of-year donations to our support group, as well as thank-you letters, from those people kind enough to give (the record was one for $1,000 - I actually went out an spent money on Manhattan Bagel for a bagel with scallion cheese cheese, cuz I knew a nice chunk was coming our way).

All these letters, maybe 20, got my creative juices swirling. I write amazing letters. I'd asked the dude at the Doylestown Wellness Center if I could teach a letterwriting class but he said no due to litigious reasons. I have no idea what he was talking about.

The letter form is succinct. One page. One and a half at the most. It's like a sonnet. The format is already there for you. I jot a few notes on what I wanna cover in each of my very personal letters. I like letterwriting cuz I use my brain. It's amazing b/c when I tap it, it never fails me.

My letters are as much about the other person as they are about New Directions. I have a knack of making people feel good about themselves.

I'm very impressed with my novel. If I can't get it published I'll self-publish like Christian Barth did his Origins of Infamy. Then I'll list it under Favorite Blogs on the Right and you can buy it from Amazon.

Telephone consult on bulemic young woman

All names have been changed.

Gerri and I spoke for 20 minutes and came up with a plan to help a friend of hers who is temporarily housing her bulemic niece.

Bulemia is an eating disorder where the individual, usually a woman, binges and then purges. Eventually you harm your body by doing so. It is not natural to make yourself vomit after you feed yourself.

Karen was recently asked to leave college b/c of her severe eating disorder. She returned home to live with her folks. That didn't work out so she went to live with Aunt Ada and Uncle Phil. Good people. They live in a three-bedroom house. The only room Karen could possibly live in is the living room. And there she stays, 24 hours a day. Doing nothing. Nothing at all except watching TV and sleeping. If you try to tell her anything, she'll say, Leave me alone or I'll kill myself.

Needless to say her behavior is affecting the whole household including two older children who live there. What to do?

Firstly, it's important to know that Karen is extremely intelligent but has the emotional intelligence of a 2-year-old. She is stuck in the 'terrible two's,' the phase where she always says, No! and is defiant. It's an issue of control. Your average two-year-old finally sees the error of her ways and finally goes on the potty.

Here's my suggestion.

Call a meeting between Aunt Ada, Uncle Phil and Karen. Tell her You must abide by our ground-rules or else we'll put you out on the street.

Be aware that Karen excels in the art of manipulation. It is the only thing she can do well other than binge and purge. She thoroughly enjoys terrorizing the whole family and particularly her parents who live nearby.

Realize that Karen will doubtlessly not kill herself. And if she does, it is her own decision, not anyone's fault. Should the relatives wish, they may attend a 12-Step Family Member Group to appease their guilt.

The agreement must be signed by Karen.

1. You are not to threaten us by saying you will kill yourself. You'll be put out on the street.

2. You will choose one household task to help us with and do this daily. Wash dishes, shovel snow, fold clothes, etc.

3. You will immediately get into treatment. (Karen has been in treatment numerous times including the Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders but always drops out. She has not hit bottom since no one has ever challenged her or given her boundaries like the aunt and uncle are now doing.)

4. Uncle Phil will find you an apartment and pay for it until you can find a job.

She will read the contract and sign it.